This is a much longer post but if you struggle to go out without makeup it is so worth your time. A very heart felt blogš
Some women dont understand being ashamed of yourself without makeup and others do. I can say that I used to rely on my makeup for strength, to give me the confidence to leave home.
I have extreme undereye circles, hyperpigmented eyelids, a broken blood vessel under on what used to be, “my good side.” Right at the end of one of my savage dark circles.
I’m pale as hell with yellow undertones so my undereye circles leap out and so do my red eyelids. For years I had to at least dab concealer and a nude shadow over my lids. Or i could not leave. I remember always keeping concealer in my purse so no matter what my lids would be hidden.
I couldn’t go to walmart without foundation. Mascara, eyeliner, blush. None of those mattered. As long as my skin was covered. I remember crying myself to sleep wondering how my long term boyfriend could love me without makeup on. How he could love the black concaves sweeping under my red-rimmed eyes.
I’m a line cook. My job is very hot, I sweat a lot. When I first started I religiously wore foundation. I got made fun of by my male co-workers. I didn’t care. They would make fun of me more if they realized that I look like a drug addict underneath.
It was about a year and a half ago that I decided one day I was going to work with nothing on my face. The closest i came to nothing was concealer on my eyelids and concealer on my undereye circles. I was going to do it. I was going to work bare-faced. Wearing foundation at my job was ruining my skin and I had to break the habit.
I left my trusty concealer out of my purse, on the coffee table. I wasn’t going to let myself chicken out. I waited until the last minute and left.
I wasn’t feeling so bad as I initially made my way to work. Once I got within the last 5 minutes of my commute I started to panic. My hand shooting in my purse. Too bad what I wanted wasn’t there. I bit my lip, the only thing left to do was go into the building.
Nobody said anything as I walked inside. Maybe I don’t even look different without makeup. I wondered. Secretly pleased I made my way to the line to start my shift. Then a fellow cook who was opening dish came up to talk to me.
“Oh wow, did you not sleep? You look like you’re sick or something.” My heart plunged into my feet.
“No.” Was all I said. His opinion doesn’t matter anyway. I told myself. Even though his words cut through me like a knife. He was the only person who said something like that to me that day.
I decided the next day that I was going to work without makeup again. I did. Nobody said anything about how tired or sick I looked. I scrutinized other women’s faces who weren’t wearing makeup. Their undereye circles weren’t as bad as mine. It hurt to realize.
Slowly I started not wearing makeup to the store or to visit my parents and brothers. I still didn’t feel confident or beautiful with my dead eyes or broken blood vessel. I just continued to live without makeup on.
I never would have had the confidence to post the pictures in this blog two years ago. I have come so far. By venturing out into the world daily without makeup it slowly became second nature to me. Now I don’t hide my face or avert my gaze in public places. I hold my head high and don’t let my bare-face stop me.
I hope that I could inspire you to feel more comfortable in your own skin. You are all beautiful, your flaws are what complete your beauty.
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